75. Why Your Brain Defaults to Disaster (And How to Train It for Success Instead)
Do you find yourself catastrophizing before an important decision or difficult conversation? It’s natural for our brains to imagine the worst-case scenario, but what if this habit is actually stopping you from reaching your potential? In this episode, we explore why your brain defaults to disaster thinking and how to rewire it to focus on success instead.
When facing uncertainty, it’s easy for our brains to fixate on everything that could go wrong. But constantly focusing on failure doesn’t prepare us for success—it keeps us stuck in survival mode. We're sharing how to shift your mindset to one that anticipates the best, so you can take confident action and move toward the outcomes you truly want.
Rather than ignoring the challenges, success thinking is about redirecting your brain to imagine what could go right. Tune in to learn how to retrain your mind, embrace opportunities, and show up in a way that aligns with your goals.
Want more live access to us? Get on our email list where you can ask us questions, get coached, and be the first to know about trainings, events, and free coaching. Click here to sign up now!
And if you know you need help finding balance and becoming unapologetically Ambitious-Ish, click here to book a free 60-minute consult to see if we’re a good match. Either you take all the awareness and value you get from the call and you run with it, or you coach with us for six months. That's two coaches for six months, and it's all about you.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why your brain defaults to worst-case scenario thinking during uncertainty and how it's sabotaging your success.
How focusing on disaster actually makes you less prepared for challenges when they arise.
The difference between toxic positivity and strategic better-case scenario thinking.
Practical techniques to catch yourself in disaster spirals and deliberately shift your focus.
Why most people are completely unprepared for success and how to change that pattern.
How your expectations literally influence your results through the actions you take.
What changes when you start training your brain for better-case scenarios instead of disasters.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Click here to follow, rate, and review the show. And if you love the show, don’t forget to share with someone you think will benefit!
Want to start ramping up your self-awareness so you’re on to yourself before Burnout fully takes over? Click here to get your free Burnout Alarm Bell Study Guide!
Let us know what you think of the show so far and what you’d like to hear more of or less of over on Instagram!
Schedule your free consultation for our new three-month coaching container here.
Click here to access our free No BS Boundary Playbook.
Full Episode Transcript:
Kelle: When you're facing uncertainty, a job transition, career change, difficult conversation, where does your brain go first?
Nina: Yeah, if you're like most people, what if this goes horribly wrong, right? What if I fail? What if I lose everything?
Kelle: Your brain starts running disaster movies, catastrophizing every possible way things could go sideways. Ugh.
Nina: And you think this is helpful, right? You think you're being realistic or prepared.
Kelle: All right, here's what's actually happening. You're training your brain to expect failure. You're priming your nervous system for disaster. You are literally rehearsing for the worst possible outcome.
Nina: Then you wonder why you feel so anxious, right? Why you procrastinate, why you don't take bold action.
Kelle: It's because your brain has been so focused on avoiding disaster that it hasn't spent any time preparing for success.
Nina: Yeah, so today we're challenging the idea that worst-case thinking is responsible and show you why better-case scenario thinking is actually the more intelligent approach.
Kelle: Yeah, we're teaching you how to train your brain to expect success instead of disaster, which literally creates different results in your life.
Nina: Yeah, this is one you're definitely going to want to share with friends. If you're ready to stop rehearsing for failure and start rehearsing for the life you actually want, you're in the right place.
Kelle: Mm, let's do that. This is Ambitious-ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I'm Kelle.
Nina: And I'm Nina. And today we're talking about something your brain does automatically that's probably sabotaging your success without you even realizing it.
Kelle: All right, this is going to be so fun. We're diving into why your brain defaults to worst-case scenario thinking during uncertainty and why that's actually making everything harder than it needs to be.
Nina: Plus, we're going to teach you how to train your brain to focus on better-case scenarios instead, which literally creates different results in your life and gives you an edge. Not everyone is getting coaching like this, so congrats on being here and investing in yourself in this way.
Kelle: Yeah, here's what we've discovered: Most ambitious women are spending so much mental energy preparing for disaster that they're not spending any energy preparing for success.
Nina: And that's not just exhausting, it's actually sabotaging the very outcomes you want to create.
Kelle: So, today we're challenging the idea that worst-case scenario thinking is realistic or responsible, and we're showing you why better-case scenario thinking is actually the more intelligent approach.
Nina: Yeah, buckle up because we're about to rewire some deeply ingrained mental habits that have been keeping you stuck in survival mode instead of thriving mode.
Kelle: Let's start with some truth-telling, Nina. What do you think?
Nina: Yeah.
Kelle: Okay, when you're facing uncertainty, a job transition, or a relationship challenge, a business decision, health diagnosis, where does your brain go first?
Nina: Yeah, if you're like most people, me included, right, it goes straight to, what if this goes horribly wrong? What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if I lose everything, right?
Kelle: Mm, yeah, your brain starts running disaster movies. Mine makes really good disaster movies. I don't know about you. It catastrophizes. It imagines every possible way things could go horribly wrong.
Nina: And you probably think this is helpful, right? You think you're being realistic or prepared. You think you're being responsible by considering all the ways things could go wrong. At least I do, right?
Kelle: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, it's natural for our brains to do this, but listen, this is what's actually happening. You're training your brain to expect failure. You're literally priming your nervous system for disaster, and you're rehearsing for the worst possible outcome. Let's just make sure that we know what's going to happen. That's terrible.
Nina: And then you wonder why, right, you feel so anxious. Why you procrastinate, why you don't take the bold action you know you need to take.
Kelle: It's because your brain has been so focused on avoiding disaster that it hasn't spent any time preparing for success.
Nina: So let's talk about why your brain does this in the first place, because understanding the mechanism is the first step to changing it.
Kelle: Your brain has one primary job: to keep you alive, to keep you safe. And for most of human history, that meant being hypervigilant about threats, about anything that might hurt you or harm you.
Nina: Yeah. The humans who survived were the ones who could quickly identify what might kill them and avoid it. The optimistic humans who assumed everything would be fine, they didn't make it, right?
Kelle: This is funny because you know what ancestry bucket you come from? The ones who were always scanning for danger, right? So congratulations, you are alive, and your brain evolved to be a threat-detection machine. It's constantly scanning for danger, constantly preparing for the worst, like all of us are.
Nina: This was incredibly useful when the threats were things like saber-toothed tigers and food shortages, right? But now your brain is applying this same threat detection system to things like job interviews, an email from your boss, or a difficult conversation.
Kelle: Yeah, your brain literally cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. So it responds to the possibility of embarrassment the same way it responds to the possibility of death. Ugh, right?
Nina: Which is why thinking about giving a presentation can make your heart race the same way running from a predator would.
Kelle: But here's the problem. In today's world, the biggest threats to your success aren't physical dangers. They are missed opportunities.
Nina: Yeah, the biggest risk isn't that something will go wrong. The biggest risk is that you'll be so focused on avoiding failure that you'll never go after what you actually want.
Kelle: Mm, so, while your brain is busy preparing for disasters that probably won't happen, it's completely ignoring the success that could happen if you trained it differently. I'm just going to say you heard that right, right? We can train your brain.
Nina: Let's get specific about what this looks like in your life, because we know you're nodding along but thinking, but in my situation, I really do need to prepare for the worst.
Kelle: Okay, example one. You're thinking about going out on your own, starting a business, but instead of imagining how it could succeed, you're focused on all of the ways that you're going to fail.
Nina: Oh my gosh, we have several clients we coached on this past week alone. This is really singing to me. So you're thinking about what happens if you don't get clients, what everyone will think of you, if you run out of money, if you have to go back to your old job with your tail between your legs. There are so many thoughts here.
Kelle: Or we have one client that's really multi-passionate. She has so many different ideas, and she doesn't want to pick the wrong one. So in not picking at all, she's holding herself in just this stuck place, right? And not doing anything.
Nina: So yeah, so you're just stuck in the worst-case scenario, right, Kel? That's what you're thinking.
Kelle: Yeah, what you're not thinking about is what happens if you do get clients, if you do build something sustainable, if you create the financial freedom you've been dreaming about, or like our current client that I was just talking about, if she just picks something and runs with it and has success.
Nina: Mmm hmm. Yeah, totally. Here's another one, right? Another example. You're considering a career change, but instead of imagining how much more fulfilled you could be, you're focused on all the ways it could backfire, right?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, you're thinking about what happens if you don't like your new job, if you take a pay cut, if you realize you made a big mistake and wish you had your old job back, which almost never happens.
Nina: But what you're not thinking about is what happens if you love the new role, if you excel at it, if it opens doors you never imagined.
Kelle: Mmm, okay. So, example three. You're thinking about having a difficult conversation with someone, but instead of imagining how it could strengthen your relationship, you're focused on how it could damage it, how it's going to go horribly wrong.
Nina: Yeah, you're thinking about what happens if they get angry, if they reject you, if they never speak to you again.
Kelle: Yeah, what you're not thinking about is what happens if they respect your honesty, if the conversation brings you closer, if it solves the problems you've been avoiding.
Nina: In every single one of these examples, right, your worst-case scenario thinking is making you less likely to take the action that could create the outcome you want.
Kelle: Because when you're focused on disaster, you show up differently, right? So, I don't know about you, but when I am thinking of the worst-case scenario, I'm tentative, I'm defensive, I'm kind of apologetic. And when we do that, we're operating from fear, right, instead of confidence.
Nina: And here's the kicker. Your expectations literally influence your results. If you're expecting failure, you're more likely to create it.
Kelle: Not because the universe is magical, right? But because your expectations shape your actions, and your actions shape your outcomes. Listen, this is literal science here.
Nina: When you expect disaster, you don't prepare for success. You don't take the risks that could pay off. You don't show up with the energy and confidence that attracts opportunities.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, I could go into the reticular activating system and all that kind of stuff, but just know that this is all science. And when you actually expect success, when you focus on better-case scenarios, you prepare differently. You show up differently, and you create different results for yourself.
Nina: So let's talk about what better-case scenario thinking actually looks like, because this isn't about toxic positivity or pretending problems don't exist, right, Kelle?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Better-case scenario thinking is about training your brain to spend more time imagining success than it spends imagining failure.
Nina: It's about asking what if this goes really well, just as often as you ask, what if this goes terribly wrong?
Kelle: Yeah, it's preparing for the possibility that you might actually get what you want instead of only preparing for the possibility that you won't.
Nina: Because here's what's fascinating. Most people are completely unprepared for success. They've spent so much time preparing for failure that they have no idea what to do when things actually work out.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Nina, I was just thinking about my son, and he's trying out for this lacrosse team that's really hard to get on, apparently, Summit Lacrosse. And he was like, Mom, what if we don't make it? And I should have a backup and all this stuff. And I'm just like, Bud, what if you do make it? You're going to make it. Right? It's so fun to watch these human brains, even little kids. My son's 10. So his brain is already formed this way. It's crazy.
So when you do this, right, you don't know how to handle success and how to build on it and how to sustain it because you've never spent time thinking about what success would actually look like.
Nina: Yeah, so let's get practical about this. How do you actually train your brain to focus on better-case scenarios instead of disasters?
Kelle: Yeah, first, you notice when your brain is disaster planning. You catch yourself in the middle of worst-case scenario spiral.
Nina: Yeah, then, instead of trying to stop the thought, you add to it. You ask, okay, what's the better-case scenario here, right?
Kelle: If your brain is telling you, what if I fail at this new job? You ask, what if I excel at this new job? What if I love it? What if it's exactly what I've been looking for?
Nina: Yeah, if your brain's telling you, what if this business idea sucks? What if it doesn't work? You might ask, what if it does work? What if it's successful beyond my expectations, beyond my wildest dreams? What if it changes my entire life?
Kelle: Ah, yes. The goal isn't to eliminate worst-case scenario thinking completely. The goal is to balance it with better-case thinking.
Nina: Because here's the thing, you can prepare for challenges and prepare for success. You can be realistic about obstacles and optimistic about possibilities.
Kelle: In fact, when you're thinking about both scenarios, you make better decisions. You're not operating from pure fear, but you're also not operating from pure fantasy.
Nina: Yeah, second, you start visualizing success with the same detail you usually reserve for disasters.
Kelle: Most people can describe their worst-case scenario in vivid detail, but when you ask them about their best-case scenario, they get really vague and general, and they're like, uh, I don't know.
Nina: But your brain needs specifics to work with, right? It needs to know what success actually looks like, feels like, and sounds like. So spend some time here.
Kelle: Yes. Instead of just thinking, I hope this works out, fingers crossed, you can think, here's exactly what it looks like when this works out. Here's how I'll feel. Here's what I'll do next.
Nina: Third, you prepare for success the same way you prepare for failure.
Kelle: Yeah, if you're worried about a presentation going badly, you probably have a plan for handling questions you don't know or technical difficulties, challenging audience members, that sort of thing.
Nina: But do you have a plan for handling the presentation going well? Do you know what you'll do if you get a standing ovation? If people want to hire you on the spot?
Kelle: Yeah, if you're worried about a difficult conversation going wrong, you probably have strategies for handling anger and rejection, and conflict.
Nina: But do you have strategies for handling the conversation going right, going well, right? Do you know what you'll do if the person thanks you for your honesty, if it strengthens your relationship?
Kelle: Most people are so focused on damage control that they have no plans for success acceleration.
Nina: Yeah, so fourth here, you surround yourself with people who expect good things for you.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, and if everyone around you is a worst-case scenario thinker, their anxiety will reinforce your anxiety. Their limitations will reinforce your limitations. And Nina, this is making me think about that you are the average of the five people that you hang out with most, right?
Nina: Mmm hmm. Something like that. Right.
Kelle: Yeah. So, who are you surrounding yourself with?
Nina: Yeah, because if you're around people who genuinely believe in your potential, who expect you to succeed, who can see your better-case scenario even when you can't, that changes everything. I'm thinking of so many of my just golden friends here. Oh, right? Yeah.
Kelle: The best. All right. Because listen, other people's expectations of you become part of your expectations of yourself.
Nina: Now, let's address the objection we know you're having. But Nina and Kelle, what if I focus on better-case scenarios and then I'm not prepared when things go wrong, right?
Kelle: You know, I'm just thinking of the blood tests that I have to take for cancer and the scans that I have, and where my brain wants to go and where I really have to train it to go to best-case scenario or even just better-case scenario, right? Mmm hmm. Totally. Yes. And listen, here's the thing. You're probably already over-prepared for things going wrong. You've been rehearsing failure for your entire life.
Nina: Yeah, the question isn't whether you should prepare for challenges. The question is whether you should spend 90% of your mental energy preparing for failure and only 10% preparing for success, or whether you should balance it out.
Kelle: Okay, plus, when you're more optimistic about outcomes, you're actually better at handling challenges when they arise.
Nina: Because you're not operating from a place of panic and desperation, you're operating from a place of confidence and resourcefulness.
Kelle: Yeah, you're not thinking, I knew this would happen. This sucks. I'm doomed. You're thinking this is a problem I can solve.
Nina: So let's talk about what changes when you start training your brain for better-case scenarios instead of disasters.
Kelle: Okay, first, you become more creative. You become a better problem solver. When you're not consumed with avoiding failure, you have mental space to imagine innovative solutions.
Nina: Ugh, such an asset, right? Second, you become more confident. When you're regularly imagining success, you start believing it's possible.
Kelle: Mmm, I really love that one. Totally. And third, you become more resilient because when challenges arise, you don't interpret them as evidence that you're doomed. You interpret them as temporary obstacles.
Nina: Yeah, fourth here, you become more attractive to opportunities. When you're expecting good things, you're more likely to notice them and take advantage of them.
Kelle: All right. And fifth, you become more fun to be around. Come on.
Nina: So true.
Kelle: When we're not constantly bracing for disaster, you're more present, you're more positive, you're more inspiring.
Nina: Here's what we need to prepare you for, right? Other people might not understand this, your shift from worst-case to better-case thinking.
Kelle: Mmm, some people are addicted to worst-case scenario thinking. They bond over that shared anxiety, and they feel important when they're predicting disasters.
Nina: And when you start expecting good things, they might accuse you of being unrealistic, naive, or setting yourself up for disappointment.
Kelle: Okay, but here's what we know. The people who achieve extraordinary things are not the ones who spend their time preparing for failure. They're the ones who spend their time preparing for success.
Nina: They're the ones who can envision possibilities that other people can't see. They're the ones who bet on themselves instead of betting against themselves.
Kelle: Yeah, let's bet on ourselves, right? Okay. So, your homework this week is to catch yourself in worst-case scenario thinking and deliberately shift to better-case scenario thinking.
Nina: Every time you catch your brain asking, what if this goes wrong, we want you to also ask, what if it goes right?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Every time you catch yourself preparing for failure, we want you to spend equal time preparing for success.
Nina: And every time you catch yourself rehearsing disasters, we want you to rehearse victories instead.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Okay, because here's what we know about you, Rockstar. You didn't develop your skills and talents, and ambitions just to spend your life preparing for them to fail.
Nina: You didn't come this far to play it safe. You came this far to see what's possible when you actually bet on yourself.
Kelle: And the first step in betting on yourself is training your brain to expect success instead of disaster.
Nina: So stop rehearsing for failure and start rehearsing for the life you actually want to create.
Kelle: Because the brain that expects good things creates different results than the brain that expects not good things or bad things.
Nina: And Rockstar, you deserve to find out what those different results look like in your life.
Kelle: Yeah, you do. Okay, until next time, practice being beautifully, boldly optimistic about your own potential.
Nina: Yeah, let's do this. Thanks for being here. We'll see you next time.
Kelle: Yeah, thanks so much for being here.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events, and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to KelleAndNina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit KelleAndNina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Nina: Yeah, if you're like most people, what if this goes horribly wrong, right? What if I fail? What if I lose everything?
Kelle: Your brain starts running disaster movies, catastrophizing every possible way things could go sideways. Ugh.
Nina: And you think this is helpful, right? You think you're being realistic or prepared.
Kelle: All right, here's what's actually happening. You're training your brain to expect failure. You're priming your nervous system for disaster. You are literally rehearsing for the worst possible outcome.
Nina: Then you wonder why you feel so anxious, right? Why you procrastinate, why you don't take bold action.
Kelle: It's because your brain has been so focused on avoiding disaster that it hasn't spent any time preparing for success.
Nina: Yeah, so today we're challenging the idea that worst-case thinking is responsible and show you why better-case scenario thinking is actually the more intelligent approach.
Kelle: Yeah, we're teaching you how to train your brain to expect success instead of disaster, which literally creates different results in your life.
Nina: Yeah, this is one you're definitely going to want to share with friends. If you're ready to stop rehearsing for failure and start rehearsing for the life you actually want, you're in the right place.
Kelle: Mm, let's do that. This is Ambitious-ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I'm Kelle.
Nina: And I'm Nina. And today we're talking about something your brain does automatically that's probably sabotaging your success without you even realizing it.
Kelle: All right, this is going to be so fun. We're diving into why your brain defaults to worst-case scenario thinking during uncertainty and why that's actually making everything harder than it needs to be.
Nina: Plus, we're going to teach you how to train your brain to focus on better-case scenarios instead, which literally creates different results in your life and gives you an edge. Not everyone is getting coaching like this, so congrats on being here and investing in yourself in this way.
Kelle: Yeah, here's what we've discovered: Most ambitious women are spending so much mental energy preparing for disaster that they're not spending any energy preparing for success.
Nina: And that's not just exhausting, it's actually sabotaging the very outcomes you want to create.
Kelle: So, today we're challenging the idea that worst-case scenario thinking is realistic or responsible, and we're showing you why better-case scenario thinking is actually the more intelligent approach.
Nina: Yeah, buckle up because we're about to rewire some deeply ingrained mental habits that have been keeping you stuck in survival mode instead of thriving mode.
Kelle: Let's start with some truth-telling, Nina. What do you think?
Nina: Yeah.
Kelle: Okay, when you're facing uncertainty, a job transition, or a relationship challenge, a business decision, health diagnosis, where does your brain go first?
Nina: Yeah, if you're like most people, me included, right, it goes straight to, what if this goes horribly wrong? What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if I lose everything, right?
Kelle: Mm, yeah, your brain starts running disaster movies. Mine makes really good disaster movies. I don't know about you. It catastrophizes. It imagines every possible way things could go horribly wrong.
Nina: And you probably think this is helpful, right? You think you're being realistic or prepared. You think you're being responsible by considering all the ways things could go wrong. At least I do, right?
Kelle: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, it's natural for our brains to do this, but listen, this is what's actually happening. You're training your brain to expect failure. You're literally priming your nervous system for disaster, and you're rehearsing for the worst possible outcome. Let's just make sure that we know what's going to happen. That's terrible.
Nina: And then you wonder why, right, you feel so anxious. Why you procrastinate, why you don't take the bold action you know you need to take.
Kelle: It's because your brain has been so focused on avoiding disaster that it hasn't spent any time preparing for success.
Nina: So let's talk about why your brain does this in the first place, because understanding the mechanism is the first step to changing it.
Kelle: Your brain has one primary job: to keep you alive, to keep you safe. And for most of human history, that meant being hypervigilant about threats, about anything that might hurt you or harm you.
Nina: Yeah. The humans who survived were the ones who could quickly identify what might kill them and avoid it. The optimistic humans who assumed everything would be fine, they didn't make it, right?
Kelle: This is funny because you know what ancestry bucket you come from? The ones who were always scanning for danger, right? So congratulations, you are alive, and your brain evolved to be a threat-detection machine. It's constantly scanning for danger, constantly preparing for the worst, like all of us are.
Nina: This was incredibly useful when the threats were things like saber-toothed tigers and food shortages, right? But now your brain is applying this same threat detection system to things like job interviews, an email from your boss, or a difficult conversation.
Kelle: Yeah, your brain literally cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. So it responds to the possibility of embarrassment the same way it responds to the possibility of death. Ugh, right?
Nina: Which is why thinking about giving a presentation can make your heart race the same way running from a predator would.
Kelle: But here's the problem. In today's world, the biggest threats to your success aren't physical dangers. They are missed opportunities.
Nina: Yeah, the biggest risk isn't that something will go wrong. The biggest risk is that you'll be so focused on avoiding failure that you'll never go after what you actually want.
Kelle: Mm, so, while your brain is busy preparing for disasters that probably won't happen, it's completely ignoring the success that could happen if you trained it differently. I'm just going to say you heard that right, right? We can train your brain.
Nina: Let's get specific about what this looks like in your life, because we know you're nodding along but thinking, but in my situation, I really do need to prepare for the worst.
Kelle: Okay, example one. You're thinking about going out on your own, starting a business, but instead of imagining how it could succeed, you're focused on all of the ways that you're going to fail.
Nina: Oh my gosh, we have several clients we coached on this past week alone. This is really singing to me. So you're thinking about what happens if you don't get clients, what everyone will think of you, if you run out of money, if you have to go back to your old job with your tail between your legs. There are so many thoughts here.
Kelle: Or we have one client that's really multi-passionate. She has so many different ideas, and she doesn't want to pick the wrong one. So in not picking at all, she's holding herself in just this stuck place, right? And not doing anything.
Nina: So yeah, so you're just stuck in the worst-case scenario, right, Kel? That's what you're thinking.
Kelle: Yeah, what you're not thinking about is what happens if you do get clients, if you do build something sustainable, if you create the financial freedom you've been dreaming about, or like our current client that I was just talking about, if she just picks something and runs with it and has success.
Nina: Mmm hmm. Yeah, totally. Here's another one, right? Another example. You're considering a career change, but instead of imagining how much more fulfilled you could be, you're focused on all the ways it could backfire, right?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, you're thinking about what happens if you don't like your new job, if you take a pay cut, if you realize you made a big mistake and wish you had your old job back, which almost never happens.
Nina: But what you're not thinking about is what happens if you love the new role, if you excel at it, if it opens doors you never imagined.
Kelle: Mmm, okay. So, example three. You're thinking about having a difficult conversation with someone, but instead of imagining how it could strengthen your relationship, you're focused on how it could damage it, how it's going to go horribly wrong.
Nina: Yeah, you're thinking about what happens if they get angry, if they reject you, if they never speak to you again.
Kelle: Yeah, what you're not thinking about is what happens if they respect your honesty, if the conversation brings you closer, if it solves the problems you've been avoiding.
Nina: In every single one of these examples, right, your worst-case scenario thinking is making you less likely to take the action that could create the outcome you want.
Kelle: Because when you're focused on disaster, you show up differently, right? So, I don't know about you, but when I am thinking of the worst-case scenario, I'm tentative, I'm defensive, I'm kind of apologetic. And when we do that, we're operating from fear, right, instead of confidence.
Nina: And here's the kicker. Your expectations literally influence your results. If you're expecting failure, you're more likely to create it.
Kelle: Not because the universe is magical, right? But because your expectations shape your actions, and your actions shape your outcomes. Listen, this is literal science here.
Nina: When you expect disaster, you don't prepare for success. You don't take the risks that could pay off. You don't show up with the energy and confidence that attracts opportunities.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, I could go into the reticular activating system and all that kind of stuff, but just know that this is all science. And when you actually expect success, when you focus on better-case scenarios, you prepare differently. You show up differently, and you create different results for yourself.
Nina: So let's talk about what better-case scenario thinking actually looks like, because this isn't about toxic positivity or pretending problems don't exist, right, Kelle?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Better-case scenario thinking is about training your brain to spend more time imagining success than it spends imagining failure.
Nina: It's about asking what if this goes really well, just as often as you ask, what if this goes terribly wrong?
Kelle: Yeah, it's preparing for the possibility that you might actually get what you want instead of only preparing for the possibility that you won't.
Nina: Because here's what's fascinating. Most people are completely unprepared for success. They've spent so much time preparing for failure that they have no idea what to do when things actually work out.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Nina, I was just thinking about my son, and he's trying out for this lacrosse team that's really hard to get on, apparently, Summit Lacrosse. And he was like, Mom, what if we don't make it? And I should have a backup and all this stuff. And I'm just like, Bud, what if you do make it? You're going to make it. Right? It's so fun to watch these human brains, even little kids. My son's 10. So his brain is already formed this way. It's crazy.
So when you do this, right, you don't know how to handle success and how to build on it and how to sustain it because you've never spent time thinking about what success would actually look like.
Nina: Yeah, so let's get practical about this. How do you actually train your brain to focus on better-case scenarios instead of disasters?
Kelle: Yeah, first, you notice when your brain is disaster planning. You catch yourself in the middle of worst-case scenario spiral.
Nina: Yeah, then, instead of trying to stop the thought, you add to it. You ask, okay, what's the better-case scenario here, right?
Kelle: If your brain is telling you, what if I fail at this new job? You ask, what if I excel at this new job? What if I love it? What if it's exactly what I've been looking for?
Nina: Yeah, if your brain's telling you, what if this business idea sucks? What if it doesn't work? You might ask, what if it does work? What if it's successful beyond my expectations, beyond my wildest dreams? What if it changes my entire life?
Kelle: Ah, yes. The goal isn't to eliminate worst-case scenario thinking completely. The goal is to balance it with better-case thinking.
Nina: Because here's the thing, you can prepare for challenges and prepare for success. You can be realistic about obstacles and optimistic about possibilities.
Kelle: In fact, when you're thinking about both scenarios, you make better decisions. You're not operating from pure fear, but you're also not operating from pure fantasy.
Nina: Yeah, second, you start visualizing success with the same detail you usually reserve for disasters.
Kelle: Most people can describe their worst-case scenario in vivid detail, but when you ask them about their best-case scenario, they get really vague and general, and they're like, uh, I don't know.
Nina: But your brain needs specifics to work with, right? It needs to know what success actually looks like, feels like, and sounds like. So spend some time here.
Kelle: Yes. Instead of just thinking, I hope this works out, fingers crossed, you can think, here's exactly what it looks like when this works out. Here's how I'll feel. Here's what I'll do next.
Nina: Third, you prepare for success the same way you prepare for failure.
Kelle: Yeah, if you're worried about a presentation going badly, you probably have a plan for handling questions you don't know or technical difficulties, challenging audience members, that sort of thing.
Nina: But do you have a plan for handling the presentation going well? Do you know what you'll do if you get a standing ovation? If people want to hire you on the spot?
Kelle: Yeah, if you're worried about a difficult conversation going wrong, you probably have strategies for handling anger and rejection, and conflict.
Nina: But do you have strategies for handling the conversation going right, going well, right? Do you know what you'll do if the person thanks you for your honesty, if it strengthens your relationship?
Kelle: Most people are so focused on damage control that they have no plans for success acceleration.
Nina: Yeah, so fourth here, you surround yourself with people who expect good things for you.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Yeah, and if everyone around you is a worst-case scenario thinker, their anxiety will reinforce your anxiety. Their limitations will reinforce your limitations. And Nina, this is making me think about that you are the average of the five people that you hang out with most, right?
Nina: Mmm hmm. Something like that. Right.
Kelle: Yeah. So, who are you surrounding yourself with?
Nina: Yeah, because if you're around people who genuinely believe in your potential, who expect you to succeed, who can see your better-case scenario even when you can't, that changes everything. I'm thinking of so many of my just golden friends here. Oh, right? Yeah.
Kelle: The best. All right. Because listen, other people's expectations of you become part of your expectations of yourself.
Nina: Now, let's address the objection we know you're having. But Nina and Kelle, what if I focus on better-case scenarios and then I'm not prepared when things go wrong, right?
Kelle: You know, I'm just thinking of the blood tests that I have to take for cancer and the scans that I have, and where my brain wants to go and where I really have to train it to go to best-case scenario or even just better-case scenario, right? Mmm hmm. Totally. Yes. And listen, here's the thing. You're probably already over-prepared for things going wrong. You've been rehearsing failure for your entire life.
Nina: Yeah, the question isn't whether you should prepare for challenges. The question is whether you should spend 90% of your mental energy preparing for failure and only 10% preparing for success, or whether you should balance it out.
Kelle: Okay, plus, when you're more optimistic about outcomes, you're actually better at handling challenges when they arise.
Nina: Because you're not operating from a place of panic and desperation, you're operating from a place of confidence and resourcefulness.
Kelle: Yeah, you're not thinking, I knew this would happen. This sucks. I'm doomed. You're thinking this is a problem I can solve.
Nina: So let's talk about what changes when you start training your brain for better-case scenarios instead of disasters.
Kelle: Okay, first, you become more creative. You become a better problem solver. When you're not consumed with avoiding failure, you have mental space to imagine innovative solutions.
Nina: Ugh, such an asset, right? Second, you become more confident. When you're regularly imagining success, you start believing it's possible.
Kelle: Mmm, I really love that one. Totally. And third, you become more resilient because when challenges arise, you don't interpret them as evidence that you're doomed. You interpret them as temporary obstacles.
Nina: Yeah, fourth here, you become more attractive to opportunities. When you're expecting good things, you're more likely to notice them and take advantage of them.
Kelle: All right. And fifth, you become more fun to be around. Come on.
Nina: So true.
Kelle: When we're not constantly bracing for disaster, you're more present, you're more positive, you're more inspiring.
Nina: Here's what we need to prepare you for, right? Other people might not understand this, your shift from worst-case to better-case thinking.
Kelle: Mmm, some people are addicted to worst-case scenario thinking. They bond over that shared anxiety, and they feel important when they're predicting disasters.
Nina: And when you start expecting good things, they might accuse you of being unrealistic, naive, or setting yourself up for disappointment.
Kelle: Okay, but here's what we know. The people who achieve extraordinary things are not the ones who spend their time preparing for failure. They're the ones who spend their time preparing for success.
Nina: They're the ones who can envision possibilities that other people can't see. They're the ones who bet on themselves instead of betting against themselves.
Kelle: Yeah, let's bet on ourselves, right? Okay. So, your homework this week is to catch yourself in worst-case scenario thinking and deliberately shift to better-case scenario thinking.
Nina: Every time you catch your brain asking, what if this goes wrong, we want you to also ask, what if it goes right?
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Every time you catch yourself preparing for failure, we want you to spend equal time preparing for success.
Nina: And every time you catch yourself rehearsing disasters, we want you to rehearse victories instead.
Kelle: Mmm hmm. Okay, because here's what we know about you, Rockstar. You didn't develop your skills and talents, and ambitions just to spend your life preparing for them to fail.
Nina: You didn't come this far to play it safe. You came this far to see what's possible when you actually bet on yourself.
Kelle: And the first step in betting on yourself is training your brain to expect success instead of disaster.
Nina: So stop rehearsing for failure and start rehearsing for the life you actually want to create.
Kelle: Because the brain that expects good things creates different results than the brain that expects not good things or bad things.
Nina: And Rockstar, you deserve to find out what those different results look like in your life.
Kelle: Yeah, you do. Okay, until next time, practice being beautifully, boldly optimistic about your own potential.
Nina: Yeah, let's do this. Thanks for being here. We'll see you next time.
Kelle: Yeah, thanks so much for being here.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events, and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to KelleAndNina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit KelleAndNina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!